am sitting here in my room.

...all torn & lost. woke up about 30 mins ago. am still ngantuk & tired. didnt sleep till like 3.30am or sumthing. couldnt sleep. was thinking about heaps of things and was crying myself to sleep. now ive got a splitting headache. sometimes i just dont want to think and i just dont want to care but i cant. im scared. im worried and most of all, im unsure. really, its ridiculous.

urgh. this is seriously driving me nuts. i just want to crawl back under the duvet and cry and never have to see the world again.. well, for now, anyways. i know some of you are probably wondering what the hell am i going on about. you'll probably be still wondering 20 years from now. or better yet, you'll never know. i dont know how to open up and try to sort things out. im just too scared.

maybe its a blessing in disguise. maybe its happening for a reason, good or bad, that i still need to find out. but whatever it is, i am sure it will not kill me and it will only make stronger.... *sigh*