Bloody PMS!

Am watching Becker at the moment. Eh, hang on, I have Becker on but am not watching it.

Ooh. Have I mentioned I’m pms-ing. Urgh. Real bad. Everything’s aching at the moment. Don’t ask what. You don’t want to know what. Hahaha. And beucase I’m pms-ing, I’m thinking MORE. (Sheesh Shamai! I do think bah! :p) Entah eh. Its like all over the place. I guess I could say I’m emotionally unstable at the moment. And blogging is the only outlet to release my frustration.

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could be more open to my loved ones. But kadang2 susah jua. Entah ah, usually I could do this to Helen, Shamai, Wanah & Yani. I did this before. But sometimes, it doesn’t matter how open you are with people, there are still some things you rather not say. Things that you rather keep to yourself, things that you don’t want everyone to know. And with that, your loved ones can’t usually tell you the things you really want to hear. Am I making sense? Sigh. Entahlah ah.

Dulu, I used to say I would be this, I would be that, I would do this, I would do that. But when it comes to the matters of the heart, everything goes out the window. And also, I’m extremely scared at the moment. Extremely, utterly, totally, banar2.. apakah lagi. I can admit to you and to everyone else that I’m scared. I’m really, really scared. What am I scared off you ask? Of getting hurt. I don’t know if I could survive another heartbreak. I don’t know if I could survive my heart, my pride & my mind being torn apart again. Sometimes, I wish I could just crawl under the blanket and to never face anything anymore. But that would only make me a coward yeah? That would only do one thing. That would only give him the satisfaction that he did succeed in destroying my life. But I’m not that. I refuse to be that. Sometimes I’m just worried that I would sabotage my life at the moment just because I’m afraid of getting hurt. I don’t want to do that. I’m afraid I’m going to be all insecure, afraid that I’m going to be cheated on again, afraid that I will be lied to again, afraid that I’m going to be treated like shit again.