temporary blackout.

i dont know whether you guys go through this but i do when there's a blackout. entah ah. terbangun ku tu kalau blackout. and its damn scary. its sooo quiet. eerie. and patang brabis obviously! i know this could sound exaggerating to some of you but really- macam your heart stops with it. patang brabis and quiet brbais. takutlah ku! and i was home alone. urgh. macam2 dpikirkan tarus. and nada lagi emergency light thing.

had an early night semalam. was really tired. blogged about it actually semalam but entah ah, i lost it. basically i was emotionally drained. chatted with bubs over it and she was shocked with some things i told her. i didnt tell a lot of people, or maybe none, of what happened to me before. but some said i was crazy to still love him then after what he did to me.

really. im incapable of hurting people. anyone who thinks i could has got me all wrong. i couldnt even bring myself to hurt or even hate boboy. apatah lagi orang lain. he trampled all over me AND my heart. i dont know what i did to deserve that but i do not want to go through that again. he lied to my face. kedapatan masih ju ainda ngakun. took him a year to admit it to me when i knew he was lying all the time. i hate when that happens to me. i know some of you are lying to 'jaga my hati' but if kedapatan whats the use kan? sakit saja ati ku.

on the bright side, yes, i believe the sun will shine again. my darling friends, i know you guys are worried. i am not going to give my heart easily. i never did. but when i do, i give it whole-heartedly. most of you know that by now. i love unconditionally. i love you guys even when you guys are full of flaws! hahaha. nadabah. those flaws make you guys special. thats why aku sayang kamu. banar. hehe. and most of all, you guys have been there for me through thick & thin. you guys helped me get up after that 'bloody' fiasco. you guys have made me the stronger woman i am now.

okay. thats deep and heavy. hehehe. but yeah. was almost in shambles semalam. the whole thing being at the airport sending off people to melbourne just triggered that 'sakit ati' feeling after being lied to over & over again. its like i want to hurt him as much he had hurt me but i couldnt do it. inda ku sampai ati. sigh.

miss my girls on the other side of the world :)