awfully lonely...

warning: currently hormones all over the place

shamai just left. bal went out to see meet up with his frens. feel like going to sleep but i need to at least finish 2 weeks worth of work before i sleep tonight. am halfway through though. i dont know if ill make it. heh.

txtd with rina earlier on. uwaaaaaaaaaa. i miss home :S she and the kids are catching the late show of sinbad.
me: eh. belabih jua. akhir jua kan liat wayang. esok inda sekolah kah?
rina: you're soooo off. d brunei cuti sekolah lah.
god. i dont even know anything anymore.

saw him tadi. well. didnt actually see see him. saw his car and tried to divert my eyes away. but saw two guys waving, so just waved back without even really looking. rude? tough. i just couldnt be bothered.

i know its not healthy to dwell on things but sometimes you just can't really help it. you think, think and think where you went wrong, what you could've done to make things easier or even, what you should've done to get out of things fast.

sigh. i hate feeling this way. one moment i know where i am, what im doing and am IN CONTROL. but the next moment, i just feel like im slowly losing everything ive built for myself. the strength ive gathered, the pride i've found again, the confidence i've once more gained and the trust & faith i've put in the people around me.

maybe i should just go back to working out mortgage payments and effective rates now. at least, THAT, i'm in control.